He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
