is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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