Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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