No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
