I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
