Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
