Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
