well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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