i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
