my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
