i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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