worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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