I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
