you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
