how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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