I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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