the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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