One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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