He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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