the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
