She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
