I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
