omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
