i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude. I can hear the air.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
