ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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