don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
