i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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