But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
