She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
