And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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