have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
