my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
