My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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