Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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