ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
