have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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