She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
