I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
