You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
