You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
