I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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