even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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