Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
