youre lurking in front of me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
