oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
