yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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