i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
