i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
