Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
