Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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